Hello fellow readers and bloggers, today's post is very special and I'm super excited to share it with you as well! As I promised, I'll be writing about my transition over the years and mainly it'll be accompanied by images so you can get the best idea and see that over time I developed a certain liking towards a certain style or I acted a certain way.
All in all, these are all the things that shaped me. And some of the photos are embarrassing! It's funny how a few years back, I thought those photos looked good, but when I look at them now... It's just all miserable! So let's begin!
I called this a metamorphosis since I felt like it was the closest word I could think of that had any relation to a change. I felt like during my three years in Juniour High, that was when I changed from being 'something' to finding that actual 'someone'.
^
LOL so this is me at three years old, at that time I loved dressing up(as any other girl would I think). I remember being just a pretty happy and normal girl, very carefree and loving mummy and daddy of course! I can't really say much about what I liked because my memory just doesn't dig down that far! But yeah, you can see I was just a girl, nothing particular.
^
And ta-da. Here I'm in sixth grade, meaning I'm 11-12 years old. And Much of me is very much the same, my face is still very much like the three year old me (IMO) and I think I just grew much taller and was at the beginning stages of puberty and all. My face was beautifully acne free I'd say, than of course growing up happened. At that time, I loved shopping at stitches, and I had lots of hand-me-downs. My philosophy of buying things cheap was still present than, HAHA. Starting in grade four, I started leaning towards the skinny-jeans, or jeans with more of slimmed cut. I wore cheesy shirts, and I pretty much mixed and matched a lot. And of course... the obvious physical thing is I had no boobs. LOLOLOL SHHHHHMKPCJSPJCWP.
^
Summer after sixth grade.
This was taken in the summer, and clearly I still loved cam-whoring. I always did occasional blogging in my years but never as serious as I am now. (: Anyway, I was still growing my hair out, and honestly back in those days my hair grew like ten times faster. My face is much the same -- those bushy brows ><... That summer, I wasn't really much I think. I just enjoyed summer as it rolled on, and I honestly don't recall much of my music preference. I believe I really enjoyed alternative rock at some point, and that's probably what got me into Visual Kei as well. Actually, I had a short love of k-pop even, but of course now adays I don't even go near it. At all. LOLOL
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Seventh grade; my virgin black hair was black and long. *sigh* I really miss the length of my hair, and it seems impossible for mine to grow now. Than, I use to wear coloured jeans a lot because I was into the 'scene' look a bit, and maybe I was a bit of a poser since I ..yeah. xD I also really enjoyed taking photos randomly... and yes, I had dreams of becoming a singer since fourth grade? No, even earlier! Like as soon as I could hear music, I think thats when the dream to become one blossomed. I wore a lot of vibrant coloured clothes too, and I didn't really care if this shirt went with that pant or shoes. But a lot of me was beginning to develop in the seventh grade, since I met new people. And a change of surroundings influenced a lot of who I was. I met new friends, and made new friendships which caused me to transition into something else. I remember I had a friend that was into the 'scene' style, and that was what really motivated me to transition and I also admit I thought the look was cool and different.
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This was still in seventh grade, and it goes to show how far I went? I made fake lip rings, I put on eyeliner thick and I always parted my hair so it hung like that. I think that was a failed attempt. LOL I edited the photo with red hair since I was eager to dye my hair and look more scene? I don't know. I thought I looked cool than, and I thought that the 'rawr' pose was the best pose. LOLOL
I think I use to be so innocent as well, and really, I think over the years it's drastically strayed far from innocent. I'm not saying I'm doing bad things, I mean you just think about things differently and talk about it differently as well. x) HAHA. Oh! And it was in seventh grade I believe I got my first pair of glasses too!
Eventually, I chopped my hair after, and I did it for the specific reason of dying my hair. That was the first time I bought Palty, and though the difference was subtle, it suited my tastes back than of not wanting to have regular black hair.
I chopped it to... just a tad bit past my shoulders. I was still very much in love with the scene look I guess? This was before I dyed my hair.
^
AND WAH LA. Flash on~ LOL apparently I still very much favoured the hair part and bobby-pin thing. Actually, it's weird looking back that I even enjoyed looking this way... xD
Anyway, I LOVED blue eyes than too, and the idea of circle lenses became prevalent to me at that time since I saw so many caucasians having such different and beautiful eye colours -- even though I didn't know what circle lenses meant, I think the idea was already sunk into my head.
Anyway, for the most part, I grew my hair out afterwards and kept dying it. But obviously the length of my hair will never be the same as it was when it was just pure virgin black. I want to grow it out some point one day where I have that length again and even longer possibly. ><
I grew chubbier as well, that is a fact I must admit -- at least I think so. HAHA. I've been really lazy... Sigh.
Anyway... This is the person I've grown to become NOW:
(My eye colour was edited... xD I wish I had a light colour instead of dark ass eyes!)
THE MANY FACES OF MEEE. LOLOL
These were as recent as I can get for yuh~ Anyway, yeah. (:
Er, xD I think I'm pretty much a normal girl.
Except I feel that currently I appreciate the feminine style a lot more, and that japanese magazines such as Popteen, Egg, and the discovery of the different styles that exist really shone light to a new direction or path. The things that I would have never come close to approaching eventually became things that I wanted to experiment with and see what new things would suit me as a individual. Everything has had a influence on me, not just the knowledge of new styles but the introduction to music genres, books, friends, surroundings, stores. Everything has had some part in making me the person I am today.
Frankly I'll never be popular, and that's just the way things are. I never wake up to live up to someone else's expectations because that isn't what finding yourself should be about, and though it has hurt I believe that the 'me' now is the 'me' I'm satisfied with. As time passes, we all end up growing up so fast but I find that you cannot be ignorant to the things that made you who you were in the first place. Surely the past might be filled with uncomfortable feelings or memories but they account to develop you.
Not to mention that in the past, makeup and such was really a territory I didn't want to approach since I had mixed feelings about it. But I find a greater appreciation for all things and to the girls who empower themselves and the people around them really make me admire their abilities.
My confidence and insecurities has slowly diminished over time, and being able to be comfortable in your skin is a gracious feeling. (: Though sometimes I wake up unhappy, there are so many other days where you're just radiant and joyful. Enjoying life!
Conclusion~
I regret a lot of stuff that I did in the past, but I will not forget the fact that I've learnt from those mistakes and used it as a lesson. I will not forget that they have shaped my morals, and opinions, and I will not forget that it has led me to follow my beliefs. ><
I really want everyone to know that we are all like caterpillars, and through life we form a cocoon but eventually I know that each and every one of you lovely people will become a butterfly. (: So don't lose sight and keep being who you are and follow your heart/feelings/opinions.
I can't emphasize enough how it's okay to be you. I know I wasn't a social whizz but I found sanctuary in hobbies, and things that I liked. As long as you are happy with who you are, those petty matters such as popularity shouldn't matter. ^^ So be brave, confident, and face your fears!
You'll always be a butterfly. <3
keep it real.
Until next time...
XOXO
-Arizona
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