ITS FRIDAY - GET DOWN .

Hai y'all! It's finally Friday, and I can't say that things gotten better, but I think I've lightened up over the day.

I think I look my face looks so washed out... >__<
Anyway, it's a greeting picture, so say hi to my face? O:

To start with, it wasn't the greatest. I woke up angry this morning, and just really grumpy. Maybe it's because my dad always has to wake me up by turning on the lights - and let me tell you, that's not the way to wake me up. Ugh. Actually, it started this month I think... When I begun to be a tad bit more late for school than normal, and with me never waking up on time. Also, for the past week, I've been showerin' every morning. And my plan is: Wake up at 5:15-30 am to get up and shower. But of course, once my alarm goes off, I put it on snooze. And the next thing you know, I'm dead asleep and I don't wake up until it's like 6:46 am (thanks dad). And when it's that time, you have no idea how much I have to rush. Since I usually take a long time to get ready. Along with that, I haven't gotten the adequate sleep that I desire.

Ugh, well. I've just uploaded a set of recent pictures. I have two cameras, the second camera (the current one I'm using, Sony WX10 is the one I got for Christmas) , and my first... well it's kind of a poop one. But it's been through with me through hell and love. So I show some love to it - you know? LOL I'm so amazed at how fast my Sony uploads, compared to my Panasonic one. It moves at like 3x the speed, and in at least five-ten minutes, like 300 photos are done. While, my Panasonic takes like 20 minutes. Serious! -__-

Anyway, movin' along... I got TIM HORTONS today, and you have no idea what that does to me. It's like drugs. Nom nom nom. I got the new Strawberry Bloom donut, a chicken snack wrap and a mother-loving'-heavenly-creation Ice Cappuccino. And When I haven't had one in a few months... it drives me nuts to take the first sip. Oh yeah. (: 

*SLURP SLURP* MMMM...

Yeah. I love my Timmies. Don't judge me! >O< LOLOL

Anyway, I think that was the highlight of my day compared to all the shitty things that happened lately. It's just a bad week. It sucks everyone knew about it but you. I can't let go of that fact (atm), but it's just... frustrating.
OH YEAH! My mom finally changed the light bulbs in my room - and it's a really bright room now. Two of my bulbs went out like.. a month or two ago, and it was so dark. -___- I was livin' off of one bulb. Now I got two fluorescent ones that like overpower the stupid incandescent one. Ah, it's almost like soaking in the sun! @__@ (did I have too much coffee?) LOLOLOL


Alright, so I'll be postin' later. Hope y'all have a good weekend that you guys deserve! I hope that in February... I'll have more readers *though I doubt it*. I made it pretty descently through Twitter, and I'm at 91 followers. My goal will be 100 very soon, by February. So please follow me at @ArizonaVu

All love would be appreciated. Ooh yeah! The next time you see this, I probably would have updated the title thingy. Have fun bunions!

xoxo

-   aV 

A Brief Look

Hello guys! I think I'm almost blogging daily now. Anyway, I'm trying my best. I'm barely able to get through with my homework because for some reason I've been so lazy. I'm about to go to bed soon, but I wanted to blog right before bed - to free my mind.

Well, here it begins. I can't say that I am happy. Every time a situation arises and includes me (even if it's not my fault), I always end up asking the question: What's wrong with me as a person? Am I too cold? Too shy? Too quiet? Too weird? Too ugly?


I don't understand yet I always question myself. I'm not sure if that happens to y'all... But it's just how I think. Like I always say, theres always a cloud of negativity that surrounds me. Sometimes, it's all I see. I wish some people could understand, instead of assuming things for me. Because what if I do want to go to events? What if I do like you guys but there's the protective barrier I always put up? After elementary, I think a part of me drifted away. I thought, I use to be so open, bright, and carefree. Now I look at life with such a heavy weight on my shoulders, with heavy emotions I carry and scars in places someone will never see. It hurts. It sucks.

I don't know how to be good enough for people so they see that I'm not that uptight. I don't know how to be better for others, and I don't know how to show what I feel. Because the last time I tried to be honest, I got hated for it. And the last time I tried to lie, I still got hated for it. That's why society sucks, it seems that even if you're honest in what you do/say, you're still the same prey that everyone attacks on, because you 'told-on-them'. And yet, when you lie to save your own ass, people come at you with a parade of pitchforks and torches, gossiping and screaming. I mean, what is it that you people want?

Some days, I just want to know what it's like to be happy. To not have to question yourself, and to let go of everything that's haunted you. Until I know the true meaning of freedom and happiness, I think I'll always look at myself negatively.  Though, I'm glad for some of things I actually do have.

Thanks Toby, and Miss Kardashian (you know who you are ;D) . You guys must be angels blessed on earth.

Anyway Aliens, in your life ; be happy, strong, and live carefree. Cause when you're so enwrapped into your own hell, it's like there's no way out. Choose the people you wish to be around wisely.

XOXO

-    aV

Please and Thanks

HELLOOOO! (: So since yesterday I was suppose to go to the temple, but couldn't - I went instead today.

And going there has kind of made me reflect on my life, ya know. The people in it and one thing I really miss: my grandpa. Though, we weren't always on good terms... I remember what he's done for us. I'm thankful and I hope that the heavens above bless him, because I know he's watching over me. I miss him lots, but we all lost him to cancer.

He was the sweetest grandpa I'd ever known, and cared for each and every one of us. I think he loved to cook too, because he made the best rice gruel I've ever tasted. I wish I told him I loved him, because now I regret so much that I didn't. I'm thankful for what I have, and though.I don't always show it... my friends are like family. <3

Anyway, I prayed like 8 times to 8 different statues and places in the temple. I envy a monk, and how they give up so much for what they believe in. I think its so powerful that they give up everything to devote their lives. That's beautiful.

So photos will be below and at the end of the post.

Also, I went to go pick up a few things with family and I decided to bring Toby along! LOL he's so cute, though... he doesn't know how to stay still in a car! >O

Happy Chinese new years, and DONT forget the people in your life. Without those certain people, I'd bet life would be really different aye? (:
BLESS Y'ALL, STAY BEAUTIFUL, STAY STRONG - ALWAYS LOVE .

XOXO

-  aV

Mellow Night

AHA! Its been quite a mellow night.. :3 nothing too huge. I really crave those delicious hash browns I've been having for breakfast for like two days. Mm, so good! 

Anyway, I'm just chilling with Toby on,my bed listening to music. >O< I am secretly obsessed with the Gyaru look!

I think I'll buy fake lashes just to try it, cause I always do the make up, except I,never have the lashes. LOLOL

*cough* do I have split personality or something? Cause I'm very different from at school and at home. At school I watch what I say and do, and at home or away from school I'd dress up however I like. There's something about school that just kills me to not do what I want. The people?  I'm so aware of them and what they will think cause... it's a lie when people say they don't judge cause they ddo don't they?!

Ugh, anyway. I like the home version of me. Its more spontaneously me. And I'm proud of that, except at school I freeze up. Course. LOL I kind of like the alone time I get on the weekends, it does me so much good. It clears my head from everything and often I find myself being so much happier. (:

Not that I don't love my friends and all, but being at home/by myself,  it brings a sense of serenity. Peace.

Mmm.. I wish so bad this weekend wouldn't end! Ah, I really love my phone, and everyday we're gonna be tweetin', tumblin', textin', with some bloggin'. THATS RIGHT. ^__^

YAYAUAYAYAYAYA HAVE FUUUHN TONIGHT EVERYONE. (: HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEARS! 

XOXO

-    aV

P.s. love my aliens, phone and I think for this one daay ... I'm really happy. Im actually bettting the rest of the week will be shitty. Ugh. Well,,enjoying the moment right? (:

Reminiscing Times

Hai y'all! Anyway, so while texting someone I ended up thinking bout someone that was so very important to me. She was like my legit sister I never had. I miss her.

I wish I could go back in time to two years ago, when we'd be crazy in laughter and always have something to talk about. But I feel I've become nothing but a past memory. I love her - and always will, no lie. Anyway, I don't have many photos of us anymore... :/ I hate that.. anyway, she'll always be a sister to me ; even if I'm not hers.

Its the memories that I hold tight. I hope that, somehow we'll find our way back somehow. I miss her, but I lost how to approach her. Anyway, please bless her. She's amazing. Most amazing person.

Xoxo

-   aV

EVERYDAY IN TUMBLIN' 365

Alright! (: I've gotten my Tumblr all set up so please check me out: loveaeriezona.Tumblr.com

Please and thank you! I'll also begin my personal 365 once a day photo for a year thing. Because its a important fact that memories be kept and that maybe I'll share my interests and life with the world. Because a photo tells a thousands words - whether you're oblivious to all of them or aware, every photo has its story. This one's just mine that I share, maybe we'll connect. Either way, don't be shy to post a photo a day. (:

*zomg. That last part rhymed!*

LOL so please check me out and follow my Tumblr and my blog if you will, ^^ thanks all!
ありがとう，皆さん！　

XOXO

-    aV

Happy Chinese New Years!

HAI GUYS! so I finally got the proper app on my phone so I can blog to ya'll on the go! (:

Anyway, its a Happy Chinese New Years to you all, (: even though its actually on Monday I believe, but still! I woke up maybe half hour ago and I was seriously mauled by my dog; he must love me that much to spend 15 minutes literally licking my face.

Doesn't his face look kind of sleepy? Anyway, somedays he's photogenic and others.... not so much! But his eyes I find are so beautiful in the daylight. This dog has built in circle lenses!  I swear! ^^

Anyway, I'm thankful for my little muffin, who no matter what always has been by my side. No dog could replace him and I love him with a huge chunk of my heart. He's given me peace and security, and that I'm never alone. Thank you bumsy, thank Chu. <3

Miles and Miles

Aye~ This is just a sudden post, not much I did today besides drown myself in a big bowl of dark water. Today's a Friday, obviously it's suppose to be good but what good can you find when you pound yourself with negative thoughts?

I was thinkin', it took only five seconds for something to ruin your mind -- and yet it took me fourteen years (and counting) to heal that. I'm still not okay, I mean, yeah I'm livin'. But that doesn't make it okay inside. I know I've hit my low points as I keep going down this road, but there were some high points too. Except, what I carry with through everything is my low points - I can't seem to leave it behind. Everytime I wake up in the morning, it's like "Damn, I got to go through another week of this?" I don't know how people do it and end up being happy too!

I think I should make a trip to an eye doctor, at least to fix my eyes because all I can see are imperfections. Not in people, but just in myself. The biggest problem of all is the way I compare myself to others. Nobody's the same, but sometimes it feels like God ran out of all the good juice but He cannot be blamed. Not really because He gave us all we ever needed right?

Ugh. This Friday has started out quite shaky.

Anyway, good news is maybe I'm going to start a Tumblr - though I've never loved it I think I really want to make it work this time. If I can handle Blogger itself, than Tumblr shouldn't be too bad. Anyway, with Tumblr I'd be able to post a daily photo journal or something and have it be more laid back?

Mmm, well hope everyone's having a good friday themselves ~

xoxo

-   aV

Questions, Questions, Questions...

I probably have no right to question Him, but I do. I try and have faith in Him, but it's difficult when your own pair of eyes are clouded with negativity.

It's no question I'm insecure. For fourteen years, I always looked at myself and saw something I didn't want to see, something I always found to question, to always complain about ; because I saw it as I wasn't good enough. Endless times, I've wondered: Why did God make everyone else so pretty?

I don't think that I'll ever have that positive outlook on me, because society's already told you so many times that this is how you have to look. It sucks to not feel like you're up to a standard. It sucks  that everyday you wake up and can't feel amazing about yourself, because you lost the sense of confidence. Being put down for so long... It's kinda crappy that the girl you were two years ago is not the girl I am now. I can't say I loved my past personality, but I liked the days where nobody gave a fuck. Sure, you get critisized every now and than, but you could laugh it off. Now it's not like that, you pin point it and focus so much on one word - so much, that it blinds your way of viewing things.

If I had to be honest, I hate it when people who know they're pretty deny it. Because, you know you are. (Why do I give a darn 'bout looks suddenly? I don't even know, just a ranting moment alright?!) I don't know... It doesn't help that people return the comment out of politeness, or something. Anyway, maybe it's just me. Maybe they really do mean it but I don't see it that way. I think I practically dug out my own grave.

FML - there's better things to be complaining about right? But one day, I feel like I'm going to be so tired of fighting this war with myself. You know, I give myself false-hope saying: maybe when I'm older i'll be prettier. I know that to me, that is a big bullsh*t I tell myself. Even I can barely believe it because, my friends are gorgeous.  All around me all I see is pretty people, skinny people, tall people. I wonder what's wrong with me? Always viewing me like this... I hate it yet it doesn't stop.

As long as I feel that I'm not good enough, no part will rest. No pep-talk can change it. No compliment can. It's just a internal war-thing... Ugh.

Regardless of my situation, the rest of you should smile in the mirror because you're beautiful. <3 Don't let nobody tell you otherwise.

-xoxo,

  a V.

HAI Y'ALL !
Todays a Sunday and I'm back to school tomorrow (so soon). At least I haven't messed up my sleep patterns for this week - and actually I'm more tired and lethargic than normal. But ooh well, must be the stress?

Alright, so I have got to save up some money this year, no kidding. Either that or I start getting a job. I'm actually quite worried - even if it's a few years away - that I might not be able to pay for my dreams. Not only that, but I have to admit that I'm quite the... clothing indulger. I can't help myself to a sale, or a shop of pretty clothes. My eyes must be seriously clouded. I really could use a closet re-do because currently, I wouldn't say I love my closet. It's decent but not to the extent of where I actually love love it.

Heck, aren't a lot of things for me just 'decent'? I see, I'm picky. Hmm, and indecisive at times. Can't be helped. I've been kind of distracted, and my fingers feel so stiff - I can't seem to type right. Gosh, and I can't even crack my knuckles. Brr, today seems cold and it doesn't seem like it'll get any better over the next weeks. I doubt it at leats, because winter is starting out really late this year. I have this strange delusion that maybe if it's not snowing now, it'll magically snow during May or June - because around that time we have Track and Field. And let me tell you, that right there is my worst enemy. If this year I could just AVOID it, by either having a broken ankle or sprained ankle or something, than God bless me. Serious. It's weird that a person may want to get hurt but honestly, if I don't have to run around a friggen' track and have people time me and be on my ass about running than alright. Haha, it's strange but I've been asking for a sprained ankle or something for like... quite a while now. But I doubt it'll ever happen. Argh.

Moving along, there's not much to discuss today... Just that life is life. I plan to make more frequent posts soon, and actually keep up. Even though I probably barely have any readers, it's just a good way to keep me occupied.

God bless y'all...

Xoxo,

- aV

Been A While...

Hello~ Aha, it's been currently awhile since I've posted. The reason I've been inactive is I've actually tried to be less on the internet and more on focusing. It's been four to five days of school, and as horrific as the first day was, things turned out decent. Not loveable, just decent.

Anyway, social dance is our new unit for gym and well, I'm not sure of my perspective so I'd say its ... a meh situation. LOL. There's so much to show, I've been in a Visual Communication class since school started in September, and FINALLY we're onto photography. I can't say I'm paying full attention but I'm definitely paying some attention. I've tooken some prettyu good photos, ^__^ It was actually our Photography project but it's still good. I'll definitely post those up later!

Moving on... I've been kind of on track. That is except for band. I haven't been excelling in it the way I use to. To me now, it's more like.. a duty rather than a passion. I don't know when I've lost it but it's I'm starting to hate it. Ugh.

Alrighty, so, this weeks pretty settled. I still hate having to wake up everyday to get ready. I could seriously use a break right now ! I've been watching and keeping up to date with The Vampire Diaries - a must watch I must say to all those who haven't seen it yet. Great actors (pretty goooood lookin') haha, and The Secret Circle. Pretty Little Liars on the other hand, I can't keep up with it since it's on a Monday/Tuesday, and I tend to go out on those days. Plus, they never rerun the PLL on a wednesday or anything, so thats a bummer. Aha, well, I've been enjoying the week. I don't understand things though, and I'm currently figuring them out.

Actually, maybe I'm not. I think i'll always be lost. I always say: There's always a  part that will never rest. And curse the fact that I wish my friends understood my perspective... I'll leave it at that because going any further would be a tad bit too personal - at least I;m not comfortable with it right now. Aha.

God Bless y'all.

xoxo

-   aV

Building Fear

Ugh, so this is a random post.
But honestly, as the days wind down for school I'm getting more scared. A fear that not even my false-happiness could cover up.

There are a lot of things I don't tell people. I'm the type who trusts no one (well, exceptional people), but still. The days wind down and it seems to come faster and faster and this fear sinks in. I'm fearful for the people who are at school, I'm fearful of their eyes that seem to see right through you, fearful of their voices that talk of cruel things, fearful of the ears that believe anything that people rumor, fearful of the people standing in groups. I'm not invincible, even if I can come off as a "I-don't-give-a-shit-bitch" or a "whatever" type of person.

There are times where you want to cry in the middle of things, but you can't because eyes are everywhere. To be strong is the hardest thing in life or show your vulnerability. Even the people who say they don't judge anyone still end up judging people in some form or another - that much is true.

I find school sucks. The occisonal laughter comes, yes. But when you push all those things aside, I become almost a different person. I cannot do without a barrier. There were days where you cry yourself to sleep nightly, yet, the next morning know one would know - and they'd continue viewing you as whatever they view you as. Sometimes, you wish you never met anyone - because it's those people that you meet that change your life. The way you percieve life perhaps, or maybe the way you view moral rights.

If dreaming was the only way where you didn't have to face people that always talked shit, than I'd rather just stay asleep forever. Than again, I'm also aware of the fact that you cannot avoid life if you are to find peace. I have to believe that later, after all these trials, that maybe I'll find peace. Not here - because there's this feeling of misplacement here.

I'm a emotional person, I think. It's that when you've been misunderstood for so long, theres a point where something has to give and break. To always feel like an outcast is like... I don't know. It's an indescribable feelin'. One that you'd proabably have to wait until you experiance it. Because for me, it made me hate myself, ask me: "why was I born if I was only to have to go through this and meet people like this?"

I say I want to go to a different high school from everyone - as true as it is, that doesn't come without fear. I'm scared that everything I have hoped for a fresh start would turn sour and history would repeat itself. I want a future where the people I've met in the past would be gone, I want to be refreshed into something that's able to be confident, and not always secretly feeling fear. Sometimes, your vulnerability scores you points, but I don't use vulnerability to attract sympathy - that's not what I want. I don't need people to feel sorry for me, I only wish they'd support me. Not act out for me, but rather hold my up and tell me "everything's going to be okay".

I'm not like her, the one who always cries wolf - except everytime, there's always people to help.

Let me be strong God. Is all I wish.

Be strong Aliens, cause life's gonna' hit you with a lot of bricks.

Love,

xoxo

   - aV

Repetitive Habits Haunt the Lady

Hello everyone! (:
I've been quite busy and therefore haven't been active with my blogging - but I must say it's better than what I use to be able to do. Haha.

Lovelies, This is a self-titled post. Repititive Habits Haunts ME -the 'Lady'. (chick? girl?)
Anyway, so .. You can probably notice the time I posted this - my habits already showing through. >__< MY SLEEP HABITS . Oh gosh, I stay up late too often.

I haven't been sleeping at times 'normal' people sleep - instead I've been consistent these past few days in staying up until 9 am. It's killer because I wake up in the evening and.. well, it's not a very good thing to do children. Haha. I chronicled my time passes through pics on my phone - be warned, my wallpaper on my phone will definitely make you get a nosebleed.

Well, that's just the start of it. 8 am.. soon turned into this:

than this...

And as ya'll can see - that was my limit.9:03 am - maybe bout 9:07am? Anyway, all I knew was that i crashed, and a minute later I looked like this - literally:

Anyway, ya'll shouldn't do this. It's messin' up my sleep pattern - no joke. Now, I usually only eat once for the past two days and don't even realize my hunger I guess. LOL ooh well.

Anyway, currently, I'm up with a friend. ^^ Well, we're both staying up together in the meantime, haha. School's about... 5 days away. Which makes everything all the more worse - I have to start changing this habit or else.. I'm gonna be a panda - no joke. I have enough dark circles already!

I'll blog some more because I have so much more to say - alot things to talk about after these few days. ^^ Keep in tuned, and please follow my Twitter: @ArizonaVu

Love bunches,

XOXO

- aV

Hair Hair Hair + good reads

I'm B-A-C-K .

Alright, so this is the third part of my post for this hour. It's self-titled - LOL.
Let's cut to the chase~ AHA
So my hair in the sunlight is this color:

It's like half submerged in sunlight, but nontheless ya'll can see my roots growing. -__- AHA, I grew on this color ... Again it's the Palty line of Bleaches: I took the Gold brown. Originally I actually wanted the Natural Brown bleach but the only local store I knew of that sold Palty didn't carry them. ): (T&T is where I get my Palty; they cost about 15 bucks a box and for the awapack it's 16 I think.) They also sell the brand Prettia - but they're $18 a box. And they sell the Palty for men, and also the Gatsby hair coloring for men.

Back to topic: in indoors light (depends, florescent, incandescent,etc) it can kind of range from a brown to the honey color above. When I first dyed it, The color was much more vibrantly honeyish. But it's been three monthd and it's slightly gone (kind of glad) LOL.

Alright, so I'm pretty much done showing you my color. Let's move onto books!

So this break, I've only been reading one book, but I have many other books I found over 2010-2011 to be a definite favourite read.

First off is:

SAFE HAVEN by NICHOLAS SPARKS

It's about a girl named Katie whom runs away from her
abusive husband and ends up meeting Alex, a father of two
whose wife died not too long ago and together, they fall in
love and learn to trust. But everything's not peaceful when Katie's
'husband' is on the hunt for her.



So that's what it's about (in my perspective). As always, Nicholas Sparks always delivers. The story is suspenseful (with her husband on the hunt for her and what not) it's definitely a twist from your typical story. Definitely worth the read, ^^

Another one would be :

THE LYING GAME by SARA SHEPARD

Now, i haven't finished reading this beautiful piece. But soon. Ya'll know that this is gonna' premeir soon on TV on Much/MTV in like a few days?! WHOO! Same with Pretty Little Liars - so excited. ^^ AND VAMPIRE DIARY returns. <3 YAAAY. Such a good winter aye? Hehe

Here's a list of my reading picks:

• House of Night Series (HoN) by P.C Cast and Kirsten Cast
• Elphame's Choice + Brighid's Quest by P.C Cast
• Pretty Little Liars series by Sara Shephard
• The Vampire Diaries by L.J Smith
• Tales of Faries (Wicked Lovely, Ink Exchange, Fragile Eternity, Radiant Shadows) by Melissa Marr
• The Host by Stephanie Meyer

There are SO MANY MORE I COULD NAME, but here's a few. If you haven't read 'em yet. DO it. I ADVISE YOU TOO.

Please don't forget to Pray For Japan, <3
Read on,
and Dye your hair some moore. ;D jkjk

xoxo

-    aV

 

PRAY FOR JAPAN ; My Aliens :3

Hello guys. So this is my uber important news.
Yesterday (Yes on New Years for us), Japan was hit with a 7.0 Magnitude Earth Quake. I believe that most are okay - a person from twitter assured me. It only shook buildings and THANK GOD didn't trigger a Tsunami. But regardless of it's severity, please still Pray For Japan.

Earth Quake Report

THANK U ALIENS.
Xoxo

- a V

HAPPY (late) NEW YEAR~

Hello Aliens!
Apologies for not being able to blog right on the spot of New Years, but can you believe it?! It's 2012, so soon so fast! Alright, so today's blog will probably be broken down into two posts, cause I just uplaoded another batch of pictures! WHOO-WHEE.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to do anything. I've been quite the couch potato I must admit. I only watched the mtv_NYE on MTV, and desperately dreamed about watching the NHK's Kou Haku thingy majiggy.

I've got some crazy news for ya'll, in which I'll elaborate on in the second post!



NEW YEARS

Anyway, so that's me on New Years. AHA. I stayed up till 6 in the morning last night - I just couldn't sleep. HAHA, have fun ya'll~ I think I'll post this into three parts instead.

Love you all,

XOXO

May your New Year be a great one, and let all the bad go away to start fresh. <3

Love

-WUBBA BUBBA

   aV