A Brief Look

Hello guys! I think I'm almost blogging daily now. Anyway, I'm trying my best. I'm barely able to get through with my homework because for some reason I've been so lazy. I'm about to go to bed soon, but I wanted to blog right before bed - to free my mind.

Well, here it begins. I can't say that I am happy. Every time a situation arises and includes me (even if it's not my fault), I always end up asking the question: What's wrong with me as a person? Am I too cold? Too shy? Too quiet? Too weird? Too ugly?


I don't understand yet I always question myself. I'm not sure if that happens to y'all... But it's just how I think. Like I always say, theres always a cloud of negativity that surrounds me. Sometimes, it's all I see. I wish some people could understand, instead of assuming things for me. Because what if I do want to go to events? What if I do like you guys but there's the protective barrier I always put up? After elementary, I think a part of me drifted away. I thought, I use to be so open, bright, and carefree. Now I look at life with such a heavy weight on my shoulders, with heavy emotions I carry and scars in places someone will never see. It hurts. It sucks.

I don't know how to be good enough for people so they see that I'm not that uptight. I don't know how to be better for others, and I don't know how to show what I feel. Because the last time I tried to be honest, I got hated for it. And the last time I tried to lie, I still got hated for it. That's why society sucks, it seems that even if you're honest in what you do/say, you're still the same prey that everyone attacks on, because you 'told-on-them'. And yet, when you lie to save your own ass, people come at you with a parade of pitchforks and torches, gossiping and screaming. I mean, what is it that you people want?

Some days, I just want to know what it's like to be happy. To not have to question yourself, and to let go of everything that's haunted you. Until I know the true meaning of freedom and happiness, I think I'll always look at myself negatively.  Though, I'm glad for some of things I actually do have.

Thanks Toby, and Miss Kardashian (you know who you are ;D) . You guys must be angels blessed on earth.

Anyway Aliens, in your life ; be happy, strong, and live carefree. Cause when you're so enwrapped into your own hell, it's like there's no way out. Choose the people you wish to be around wisely.

XOXO

-    aV